


Back of the Head

by crescent_gaia



Series: WinterHawk Freeform [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, loss of vision, mention of past Bucky/Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 03:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7491063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescent_gaia/pseuds/crescent_gaia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint wakes up, blind and deaf, only knowing how he got there and not where he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back of the Head

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "Loss of Vision" for a Corners Bingo.

Everything hurt. That was the first thing that registered for Clint, opening his eyes and seeing nothing, just black, and unable to hear anything as well. Feeling the sheets, he was in a hospital room but other than that? He knew nothing, other than remembering being an idiot, which Nat would say was normal for him. He was sent ahead of the rest of the team, scouting out a message they got about HYDRA activity, while others of the team went out to different places. He thought it was a bad idea, but kept his thoughts to himself, mostly because nobody questioned Cap about how he wanted to run the team. Hell, even Stark didn’t question him.

But now? Now he was wishing he had. While not seeing anything HYDRA like, he did see his twin. AKA the asshole who made it so that his hearing loss was permanent. See, dad knocked him around, a lot, but it wasn’t bad enough that he would never be able to hear again. It was round two, with Barney, that made it so he’d never hear again without help. And now, thanks to the asshole again, he couldn’t see. He forgot that his brother could hit that hard or maybe he had help with the concrete wall. Either way, he wasn’t staying if he could leave, sight or no sight. He tried moving his arms, slightly, and found that he could. Next trick would be pulling out the tubes and hoping that no alarms sounded. He started that next until someone came, far too quickly, and held down the arm he was using to pull things out.

He struggled, fighting back with the one arm, until he felt a hard double tap to get his attention. Only two people knew how to do that, so he had a 50-50 chance that he was fucked. He stopped and took a breath, waiting for the next, and felt Nat draw her name sign. He took a deep breath and relaxed, taking his free hand and holding on tightly to her arm. “Can’t see.”

“I know,” she felt signed. She let go of the hand he was using to tear out wires and put one of his aids into his hand. She helped him find his ear and let him do the rest before giving him the other one. “Better?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said. “Why were they out?”

“Can’t have metal in the MRI.” She took his hand for a moment as the door opened. “Nurse is coming in – she’s going to put the sensor back on.”

“Okay,” he said, letting go of her hand and waiting for the nurse to be done. When she came back, he took her hand again, holding on tightly to it. He waited until the nurse was gone and said “no more missions alone.”

“I agree… did you go after him or did he come after you?”

“Bit of both,” he said, knowing it didn’t help to lie. “How’d I get here?’

“Secret boyfriend,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it was only the second time,” he said. “Did he stay?”

“For a while, until I got here. He used your phone to call me and I told him that Steve was coming too. He decided to go but wanted me to tell you he’d be back. He mumbled that you’d understand. Usually I can get more out of him, when he remembers me, but didn’t work this time.”

Now he was really confused. “Um, Nat, you’re going to have to fill me in.”

She chuckled. “When I was evil, we hooked up from time to time. Not just for missions.”

“Oh.” He really didn’t see that coming and wasn’t sure how he felt about it. There was a small part of his mind, a small nagging part, that wondered if he was just there to fill in for someone better than him. Of course nobody would want just him, it was because of who he was connected to. He was about to go more into that until he felt her rubbing the web between his thumb and index finger. His clue that he needed to come back out and listen. “What?”

“It was a long time ago and you shouldn’t read into something that’s no longer there. For either of us.”

“Yeah,” he said and sighed. “I think I just want to sleep some more.”

“Okay.” She kissed his hand before letting go.

He sighed, relaxed, and closed his eyes. He wasn’t expecting to go back to sleep, more that he wanted to stop talking for the moment, and could tell something was different when he woke back up. For one, it smelled like dinner was in front of him. Second, he could tell, just by breathing, that Bucky was sitting where Nat was before. “Steve go home?”

“Hotel, but yes,” Bucky said.

Clint felt Bucky take his hand. He wanted to drop it, to tell the soldier to get out as he felt hurt, but didn’t. Instead, he held tightly to it, like he did with Natasha, and sighed. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“Making it so I woke up here instead of another place,” Clint replied. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There are things you haven’t told me.”

Ah, the valid point. Still, not telling about an embarrassing point in his past didn’t compare to not saying anything about being with his best friend before him. “Are you only here because of her?”

“What?” Bucky’s voice was confused and something else that Clint couldn’t pick up on. “No. Why would you think that?”

“People have used me for less.” Clint felt the table in front of him, his hand slowly moving to the dome lid, and he felt the bed sink a bit as Bucky moved over to sit too. He moved over, only to give the soldier more room, and leaned against Bucky as he was pulled into a hug.

“I’m not,” Bucky whispered. “I thought she was going to shoot me on sight when she saw me – last few times were not nice between us – and instead, she put it all together. Not that she forgave me by any means and gave me an entire speech about how she was going to tear me apart if I even thought of hurting you but… no. I’m not here for her. I’m here because I went to the apartment and you left a note. I followed the note to here and was able to find you but you didn’t see me before you went hunting.”

“Hmm.” He remembered writing the note and leaving it in a place he knew Bucky would look. He sighed. “I wish I knew how long this stupid blindness was going to last. I’m down one sense, I don’t need to be down two. And by the same asshole.”

“Who was he?” Bucky asked.

Clint listened to Bucky taking off the dome, smelling lemon chicken soup, and wanting to dive into the bowl. It was his favorite soup when he was even feeling the little bit sick. “My twin. He’s named Barney, so I pitied him already when we were kids. Even more so when my father decided to pick on him more. Just… he’s always hated me and probably always will. I just wanted to be like him. He was older, by five minutes, but older brother is older brother. I thought he knew everything but…” he shook his head, his fingers searching for a spoon, and found it after a moment. “I don’t know how I’m going to eat.”

“Let me?” Bucky offered. “If you want me to.”

Clint chuckled. “Just this once.” He tried to be patient as he was fed, the two of them making a small mess, but he felt a lot better by the time it was over. There was a small bit of ice cream, a bit melted, and they split it. He fell asleep against Bucky, waking up sometime the next day, and he could see that it was brighter in the room. “That’s a start?”

“What is?” Steve asked from the chair.

“I can see that it’s brighter in the room,” Clint said. “Where’s Nat?”

“Here too,” Nat said, on the same side as Steve. “We’re playing cards and were about to bet on you waking up again.”

“Sorry to spoil your fun then,” Clint said. “Any updates?”

“Found where Trickshot was staying and some HYDRA files. Otherwise, no,” Steve said. “Why didn’t you say you have a twin? And one working for them?”

“Twin’s an asshole and I didn’t know he was working for them. We don’t exactly keep in touch, which Nat could have told you, if you thought to ask.” Clint didn’t care if he was being short with Steve at the moment.

“He did ask,” Nat said. “Give us a moment?” she asked to Steve.

“Sure,” Steve said, getting up and leaving the room.

“Sorry,” Clint said quietly. “He probably just wanted confirmation.”

“Yeah, he did,” she said. She moved over to the bed and sat down, taking his hand again. He could see her outline, against the bright, but not anything else. “The doctor wants to take another scan of your head, since you’re awake. What are you seeing?”

“Light from dark. I can tell where you are because of your silhouette. Did Bucky leave anything?” He bit his lower lip, worrying that the soldier would have just left. He would have, if the person he was with thought that there was a second agenda when there was none. He could only hope that Bucky wasn’t like him.

“He said he’ll come back when Steve leaves again tonight, if you don’t mind waiting to have dinner with him again. And he’ll try not to get it all over you again.”

He chuckled. “He helped last night.”

“Good,” she said. “I’ll help with that, because I like you and I think he’s helping.”

“Thanks Nat,” he said and sighed. “I’ve got to take my ears out again, don’t I?”

“Yep,” she said. “I’ll go tell them?”

“Yeah.” He listened to her leave the room and leaned back against the pillow. About twenty minutes later, he was blind and deaf again, hoping that he was being taken in the right direction. He could feel he was about five minutes later, the machine humming around him, and he tried to relax. It didn’t take long until he was out and being told he could put the ears back in to listen to the doctor.

“Swelling’s gone down,” the doctor said in a soft German accent. “We would like to keep you a few more days, to make sure that it goes away completely, but all things considered, you’ll have your sight back soon. I don’t want you back to work right away, as you should take some rest, but you will be fine.”

He grinned. “Thanks doc.”

“You’re welcome,” the doctor said. “Any questions?”

“It’s gotta be a few days?” he asked and the doctor laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“We’ll make you comfortable, but yes, just a couple more days. Then another round in the MRI and we’ll see how it goes. Sooner if you heal faster, but we don’t like to take chances with hard hits to the head,” the doctor explained. “I’m sure you understand. Plus, it seems like you’ve taken a few hard ones to the head, so waiting for this to heal helps overall too.”

“Good to know,” he said. “Thanks.” He leaned back in the bed as he was wheeled back to the room.

“So do you have a brain or were they just checking an empty chamber?” Tony asked.

Clint chuckled. “Oh good, someone to cheer me up.”

“Thought that was Natasha’s department,” Tony said.

“Don’t let her hear that, she’ll kick your ass,” Clint said. “Are you here to experiment on me?”

“No. Maybe,” Tony said.

Clint chuckled. “No implanting things into my head.”

“You’re no fun,” Tony said. “Steve’ll be back in a moment. I can’t seem to go anywhere without someone babysitting me.”

Clint blinked. “How long have you been here, Tony?”

“There’s a conference going on that Bruce and I are presenting at,” Tony said. “Thanks, by the way. You’re the reason that a bomb didn’t go off or was planted in the first place. Don’t know if anybody told you that.”

And now it all made sense why Barney was there and what Clint probably stopped due to going after his twin. “You’re welcome. I think. And they hadn’t.”

“Why did nobody tell Clint what he did?” Tony asked as somebody came in.

“Because he’s supposed to be resting,” Steve pointed out. “Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?”

“I was, came here so flyboy could get an update on Legolas, and now I’m going to go unless you want to come with. Considering I’m not sure where he is,” Tony said.

“He’ll get into trouble if you don’t,” Natasha said, coming in as well and putting something on Clint’s tray. “Lunch.”

“Ooo,” Clint said, picking up the dome and feeling out a sandwich. This he could do on his own and he started to eat. “Nat’s here, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. I’ll be back tomorrow then unless we’re needed,” Steve said and took Tony out of the room with him.

Clint waited until Tony and Steve were gone. “Do I owe you or Tony the favor?”

“Neither. Tony really was done and came over to find Steve,” she said. “And I did tell Bucky but no reply yet.”

“Thanks,” he said, eating the sandwich and the both of them listening to the news as he dozed here and there. He woke up fully when the door opened and he saw Natasha’s silhouette get up from her chair. He watched it move over to another silhouette, Bucky, and he smiled. It was nighttime but the lights in the room helped. “Hi,” he said quietly after she left.

“Hey,” he said, sitting on the bed and taking Clint’s hand. “She said that you’re seeing more.”

Clint nodded. “Silhouettes and being able to tell light from dark. No permanent damage.”

“Good, as I want you to see me,” Bucky said. “And you don’t need to be hurt more.”

This was new and Clint raised an eyebrow. “Meaning?”

“Exactly what I said. I was able to find some files on you and your brother,” Bucky said.

Clint relaxed. “Okay,” he said quietly. His mind went to the idea of a breakup, probably faster than anybody else would, but he wasn’t sure on anything at the moment. His grip tightened on Bucky’s hand and he didn’t resist as he was pulled into a hug. He moved, wrapping an arm tightly around Bucky, buried his face in Bucky’s chest. He tried to take slow deep breaths, to keep himself from crying, and felt Bucky lightly stroking his hair. It helped to stop him from crying and he stayed there. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Not sure what I’m being thanked for,” Bucky said quietly.

“For staying,” Clint whispered. “And for coming back.”

“I think, right now, I’d always come back for you,” Bucky admitted quietly. “Unless I couldn’t because I wasn’t myself.”

Clint smiled and kept where he was, neither of them caring when someone came in with a dinner tray, and they ate dinner together. The next few days were the same, with Bucky coming in the evenings after Steve left, and Clint’s eyesight coming back. It was after his last MRI and the doctor said that he could leave that it was just him and Natasha. Steve, Tony, and Sam left earlier and he and Natasha would come back on a regular flight. One where they would be sitting in first class, but still, a normal flight. He sighed happily as he put on regular clothes. “Much better.”

“You really are relaxing when we get back. I’m making sure you stay in that apartment and I’ve got help,” she said.

He grinned. “Well, then I’ll stay.” They made sure they had everything before getting to the airport and onto the flight. He was confused as he had a window seat and Natasha was across the aisle, but he sat down anyways. He didn’t have to wait long until Bucky sat down next to him and he grinned. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Bucky said, taking his hand. “She pulled a lot of strings.”

“With help,” she said from her seat across the aisle. “Good thing Tony doesn’t ask a lot of questions at times.”

“I agree,” Clint said. “And I’ll thank him for the both of us.”

Bucky nodded, making sure that Clint was comfortable, before buckling in. He took Clint’s hand and sighed. “Did she tell you I’m staying for a bit?”

“Yes,” Clint said. “Although, I might go stir crazy, so fair warning. Also, cheesy movies.”

“As long as we can have at least one dinner from the Chinese place, I think I’ll survive,” Bucky said. “Just get a double order so we can have leftovers.”

“Done,” Clint said, grinning. He kept Bucky’s hand for the majority of the flight, only letting go when he fell asleep, and waking up to the soldier’s coat draped over him. He snuggled into it, falling asleep again, and only being woken up when they came down for the landing. Bucky quietly explained he’d meet Clint at the apartment, which Clint understood, and it was a good idea. If only because Steve was there to greet them and make sure that they were both okay before they got into a taxi. At the apartment, Bucky was waiting, making sure that everything was ready for Clint to recuperate. The two of them settled into the couch, turning on one of the cheesy movies that Clint promised, and Bucky falling asleep first this time. The time off was good for the both of them and was coming to an end with their final dinner together.

Bucky was happy that they ordered Chinese for it, even though they had it the majority of the time, and they tried a lot of different dishes. They were nearly done and about to clear away dishes when Bucky said “I think I should be going soon.”

“Feels like you should or are you getting tired of me?” Clint asked.

“I’d never get tired of you. More feels like I should.”

Clint nodded. “Alright.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No,” Clint said and shrugged. “I thought it was going to be sooner, not when I was about to go back to work.”

“I pushed it away. I wanted to stay. I want to stay but… I don’t think it’ll be good for either of us if I try to struggle and stay.”

Clint smiled. “Okay. And I’m not mad. I love you, which means with everything.”

Bucky stared at him. “Okay.”

That was about the answer that Clint was expecting. He got up, clearing away the dishes, and the two cleaned up in silence. They fell asleep together but Clint wasn’t surprised when Bucky was gone before he woke up. Or that there was no note. He dropped a bomb with saying those three words and he would have to be patient. If nothing else, he was a patient man and would wait for the end of time for Bucky. He could only hope that it wouldn’t be that long. Some superheroes, while not even super, aren’t immortal.


End file.
